19 Of The Worst Best Man Lines Ever Used…

Stay clear of tumbleweed moments in your speech, 16 Of The Worst Best Man Lines Ever Used…
Picture of Oliver Lucas

Oliver Lucas

Published 06 Sep 2023

Best man trying to be funny with lots of photos inside his jacket, wearing a white short and black tie


We’ve all been there. You crack a gag. You think it’s hilarious. And then…silence. Tumbleweeds blow and you feel smaller than a subatomic particle.

Imagine that same sensation but this time you’re in front of a roomful of wedding guests and you’re representing your best buddy! You don’t want to be that guy! 

Wdding ceremony raising a toast

Here are 19 example of real life lines used as part of a best mans speech. If you’re thinking of dropping any of these bombs then you better hope the ground opens right up and swallows you whole!

1) It sure took you a while. We were beginning to think you were gay. No really.

2) Rosie, you’re beautiful inside and out….I should know!

3) This guy laid more pipe in his day than a plumber.

4) I cannot believe this girl agreed to marry you! I mean look at her, she’s beautiful.

5) When I first met the bride, I didn’t like her much at all.

6) You sure did prove me wrong…The last time you guys broke up I was SURE it was for good.

7) Not a lot of people know this, but back in the day…well, let’s just say I got there first.

8) I know I shouldn’t say this, but it’s really great that [BRIDE] is so rich.

9) This is the second time I’ve been [GROOMs] best man. Let’s hope this marriage lasts longer than that one!

10) I know a really good solicitor if this doesn’t work out.

11) Dave, remember when you two broke up and how sad you were? And how you would go out with other girls but no matter what happened you still missed (your wife)? You need to remember that feeling if you two ever think that you want to get divorced.

12) Congratulations on the pregnancy! You have started telling people right?

13) I think everyone here will agree with me when I say this is one of the best weddings I’ve been to. It must have cost a fortune.

14) Tradition dictates that the bride’s dress is white is because it’s virginal. So nice to see Kate in violet today.

15) I’m really happy that we’re all here to celebrate today, but I’d like to pause for a moment to remember the one billion people who live in chronic hunger every day.

16) When Marc entered triple figures, I thought he’d never get married! Looks like I got that one wrong.

17) I remember this one time Gavin and I went to a brothel in Europe

18) Finally Ian has found someone with low enough self-esteem to marry him

19) When I first met Alison’s dad he told me that I should be aware she had acute angina. I said ‘yeah I know, and her ass is pretty damn fine too.’